Parenting to Adulting!

 

This may sound a little off track, but do read on, it will make sense. 

There has been a whole lot written about Britney Spears’ struggle with conservatorship. Something I had been ignorant about till the #FreeBritney gained momentum.

As much as it shocks my sensibilities, the fact that a provision like this exists in the developed countries is a rude awakening about human rights.

So when does a parent cease to be the authority, and pass the baton to the offspring ?

Does it happen at the time a child becomes an adult? Is adulting a verb or a noun or both, in the vocabulary of us millennials?

Is it an all or none transformation or do the boundaries blur somewhere down the line?

Our Indian societal structure traditionally has been parent heavy, right till the child becomes a parent themselves and then some. However the change is afoot in every fibre of the mesh work that our society is, and ignoring that is only going to cause stitches to drop!

Parents still have a control and say where they shouldn’t! I see this very often while consulting, when parents or even in-laws want to be a part of fertility checkup, treatments and even decision making. And believe me, it leaves a bad aftertaste to the entire episode.

As much as the adulting “children” giving up the control to their privacy, it’s the over concerned parents refusing to let go.  And it seriously undermines the couple’s interpersonal relationship, their decisions and their goals as a  family. 

However, things have been stirring up for a generation. It’s no longer acceptable to our children to accept a statement because it is parent-speak. They want a logical explanation and a tangible outcome of all that’s asked of them. It’s a refreshing, albeit a tedious job to be a open minded parent.

Where a sentence used to work, we have to offer a paragraph, with a generous time for Q&A. 

The last generation’s orders barked sharply would slam the door shut between them and the offspring. Now there is less of intrusion, more acceptance and that helps to keep a channel of communication open. 

It’s like taking a hike up a hill, it’s arduous compared to those who take a shortcut to the top, but oh, the sights you see, the journey you undertake and the sheer  joy of a deep breath taken as you conquer the peak !

I would coax all parents, young and old to give up being a parent slowly and let the child achieve adulting, slowly, one step a walk, one decision a time, and see your children become more independent, opinionated, argumentative  and yes, better people. Half the issues of mental health would evaporate if children knew how to speak their mind, take criticism and accept their flaws, revel in their accomplishments! 

And a word to the adults, let your parents be free of their responsibilities, they have done enough. You take on, where they give up, and some times even if they don’t! 

Care for your parents like they did for you. Don’t ask them to care for you! Don’t make them take decisions for you. Don’t drag them to your life’s crossroads, and definitely not to your fertility consultations!

Be the change we are all asking for Britney!